Anarkistisk ABC

Apeliknende apatiske a-4 mennesker i avbalansert avhold

Bruker berlærte bleier

Creatin for citrushjerner

Dødlig dumhet, derrivativt dystopi

Enevelde over enestående enslighet

Farlig fengslende fulekvitter for fanger av forfengeligheten

Gir gullhår i rumpa

Høylytte hyttehorer henger halvhjertede hengelåser rundt halsen

Ingen inovativ interesse. Intet intelligent innlegg

Jubelnisser av jålette jomfrudom

Kjennskap kunn til klumper i kjønnskjøttet

Lampeskjerms likninger lurer lystlinguister

Meningsløse muligheter i merkverdig myke vegger

Nypult nytelse av nyansert narsisisme

Omtrendt overaskende overdrivelser av omverdenen

Passer plutselig pent på praktiske plasser

Qvasi q-lhet i status quo

Ridderrunking av ringetoner

Stappfull stigmata som synger forSinkelser i sinnet

Tappre tapere trykker tydelig tomme tulleting

Underverdig utepils i utilslørt ugress

Vanskelig å våge være virkelig, i verden

Windunderlige wunderbaums wintre

X-treme x-raymaskiner x-traherer x-akte mangler

Yndlings yttringer er Ylvis sitater fra lørdagsynderholdningen på NRK

Og det er hva jeg zyns, men alt er jo egentlig bare en zmakzak

Sweetness

Sweetness
------------

A little girl went to market,
Little did she see.
-
Of all the little things she needed,
none she found,
but was spellbound
at the sight of a tree.



‘Cause up a little, on a branch,
a little bird sat, right above.
-
And by a little string of chance
She felt a pain,
She couldn’t explain,
But thought: This must be love.



Having little experience,
And knowing little of what to do.
-
Remembering a little tale she’d heard:
In matters as these,
The heartbeat would cease,
And you’d know: Love was true.



So she climbed the little tree,
Taking only a little while.
-
And in a little act of zeal
She struck it dead,
Upon the head
Without ever losing her smile.



Then she ran the little way home,
Bringing the little corpse along.
-
After a little cooking was done
She proceeded to eat,
All but the feet.
So tremendously happy, she broke out in song.



She used a little too much spice,
The little “lovemaking” made her sweat.
-
Then she was a little bit tired
But she learned
That she yearned
For some puffs of a cigarette.



She wondered: If such a little thing
Can bring, not only a little bit joy,
-
Wouldn’t it be a little bit better,
First to saw,
Then to gnaw
And “make love” to an actual boy?



The girl is a little woman now,
With little memory of that wasted dove.
-
She isn’t really so little though,
‘cause she only grew
once she knew
how sweet it was to taste of love.

To Women

Glossy magazines are filled with lists about how to improve yourselves, how to please and have better relationships with men (yes, I’ve read women’s magazines). Most of the time these lists are written by women. This list that I have made is about things you women should know about men, and yourselves, from a man’s point of view.

Both the list and I might seem quite harsh and bitter, and I guess we are. I have no problems finding women to court, but I’m just so tired of seeing you girls do the same stupid things over and over, and then later can’t understand why “All men are assholes”. Well, there’s a reason for that: It’s because you make us into assholes. This is proved to the extreme extent when very many of you show us men that assholes are the ones you end up with. “Chivalry is dead” you say? Yes it’s true. Women killed it.

Here goes:

1. Don’t say you just want to be friends with someone who has made an obvious attempt to win your heart. Dump him! Being “just friends” is not nice behaviour towards him, after what he has done for you. Even though it’ll be tough, the best thing you can do is to stop the relationship altogether. It wasn’t easy for him to tell you how he felt, so now you can at least do the right thing, ever though that is not easy for you.
2. Don’t go home with someone if you’re not gonna have sex. This only tells the guy that the night has been all in vain, and that he didn’t play his cards right. Maybe he could have gotten some action with someone else instead, and you just ruined his evening. There’s bound to be some name-calling about you in his circle, and these things might catch up with you. Next time you see someone you really like, he might not bother talking to you, because he’s heard that you’re not the kind of girl that’ll make him happy.
3. Don’t play hard to get with someone you really like. If you behave in this way, 9 out of 10 times, you’re not as hot as you think you are anyway. Let him know how you feel, and give him some very clear signals so he’ll understand he’s being appreciated. Don’t wait too long to have sex with him, cause he’ll just end up fucking your best friend or sister, while he’s waiting for you to come around. It’s actually kind of degrading for us men to feel that we have to prove our worth to someone. Show that you’ve got more good qualities other than your looks.
4. Never ask a guy you’ve just met to buy you a drink, unless you want to be labelled as a slut/gold-digger/bitch. Many girls who have this label are really upset about it and don’t understand why. Well, it’s because you’re behaving slutty, you slut!
5. If you have no idea what to give him for his birthday, then show him that you really love him and give him a threesome with your hot girlfriend. That is something every man wants, what every man dreams about, and what will make every man feel great. He will love you for this great gift, and treasure you most dearly, because he knows that you understand him and can make his biggest wishes come true. If a threesome seams a bit much to start with, then at least surprise him with a nurse uniform or something like that.
6. Don’t wait for him to take the initiative to sex every time. Tell him straight out that you want him to fuck you. We guys like that sort of thing. It turns us on. With an approach like that, you can still have foreplay together and it’ll be the best sex you ever had!
7. Don’t make comments about how men are so much simpler than women and we can never begin to understand your complexities. You’re making a fool of yourself. 90% of all women are very simple to understand and see straight through. If you feel like we’re not fulfilling your needs, then maybe it’s not because we don’t understand you, but because we feel like you haven’t done anything to deserve it.
8. Don’t go around thinking that you’re so special and that all men have to campaign to win you over, so that you can chose the best one. Only bitches get stuff for free. The price is their reputation.
9. Even though you might believe that you’re really good looking, and that any man is lucky to have you, you’re probably not. Many hot women end up being alone and miserable, because they feel they deserve some movie star for boyfriend. Wake up! Instead of going for the impossible, settle with someone that’s just average once in a while. Men do that all the time. Ever had sex with someone and regretted it afterwards, because you felt you could do better? Well so do men. All the fucking time. That’s what us guys talk about when we’re alone. “Well, she wasn’t really all that, but at least I got some of the pressure out” are a common part of any male conversation, after a big night out.
10. If a guy comes shopping with you, then he is doing something he actually don’t like to be doing, just to make you happy. Acknowledge this, appreciate it, and repay it!
11. If you’re ever unfaithful to your boyfriend and there’s no chance he’ll ever find out, then do the responsible thing: DO NOT TELL HIM! The damage is already done, and telling him about it will NOT make things better. You’re the one who made the mistake, so you’re the one who’s supposed to feel bad about it. Please don’t make him feel like the victim!
12. DON’T BE VAGUE! Yes, we men need to be spoon-fed most of the time, so say things clearly and just the way they are. Either we won’t get your contradicting messages, or we won’t bother acknowledging that we actually do understand what you mean, because we think it’s really stupid that you just can’t say things straight out.
13. If you’re wearing a low cut top, don’t get upset when men stare at your breasts. Who do you think you’re fooling? You’re only making an ass of yourself, and living up to the “dumb blonde” myth. We know that you put on that top to get attention, and we know that you like it. Just be happy you’re being appreciated.
14. Even though you might think you’re amazing in bed, and that any man is so lucky to experience your performance, you’re probably just as delusional as the rest of us. You don’t get good at sex by only doing it with your boyfriend. No. Watch some porn, and pick up a few tricks. Read some books on the subject, or watch some instructional videos. Women think that men only have one point to please and that’s it, but there are actually loads of things you can do to make us feel good. Of the women I’ve had sex with; only about 10% have really been good at it. Most importantly though: play with yourself! A lot! The first step on your way to get good at sex is to learn how to make yourself feel good.
15. NEVER fake an orgasm (unless it’s a one night stand and you’ll never see that person again). Let him know that some things are not quite right, and teach him how to give you a proper climax. He’ll be happy to learn, and pass the knowledge on to his friends. That way everybody can have better sex, and you’re making the world a better place.
16. Yes, we think about sex all the time. So do women. There’s nothing wrong with that, so stop living in denial.
17. No this list is not sexist towards women. It is the honest truth. You can’t handle it, that’s your problem. But stop your whining about men.

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